In the dark and ungodly hours between night and dawn,

I think of you, birth, life, love and death in the same breath.

 

Your departure so sudden and my news so heavily shrouded

to protect you from yourself.

 

Your pain and incertitude worn on your face

like a battle scar, so I wondered how to add

another life to our mix.

 

So I kept my news more heavily shrouded.

 

Now that my news is known to you a burden has been lifted,

Yet I bore alone the burden of your silence

and that of my grief and hope.

 

I prayed on my knees for deliverance

and guidance from this pain, and I still do.

 

Physical pain is only in the temporal realm.

The psychic pain will ebb and flow.

 

Like the loss of this child

That in it’s innocence was conceived of love

 

And was love itself, personified,

If only for a brief time, in your absence

 

You could not share my joy,

because I didn’t share it with you

 

And the weeks went on and I bore alone

Both the pain and the joy.

 

God works in mysterious ways,

That I know and have seen before.

 

My body and soul were bared to you,

for better or worse.

 

Now both my body and soul feel very tired and old,

if even a hand just to comfort and hold.

 

I won’t ask for forgiveness for the wrongs I have done

Nor that you will come back, based on what has gone on.

 

I wished for a miracle and it briefly came through

Which should be a sign, both for me and for you

 

That hope and possibility aren’t entirely untrue.

 

Debra

November 5.2006